You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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