Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
