the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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