Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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