I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
