Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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