Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
