How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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