She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
