Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
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I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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