So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
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maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
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I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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