I faked an abortion last night.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
