Define "chronic" masturbator.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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