oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
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He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
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I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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