The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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