You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
