I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
either way he was missing a nipple.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
