a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
