I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
