i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
