I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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