ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
