We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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