the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
