I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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