So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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