Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
