I'm gonna have a badass scar
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
