goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You left your phone here
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