apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
