I'm really into asian looking animals
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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