I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
