beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
