I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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