I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
