found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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