Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
