I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
