Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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