We're like a lot better than the average bears
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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