just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
