Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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