Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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