Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I need water and some morals
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
