Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
