i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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