you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
