Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
