Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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