i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
