yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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