***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
