You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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