I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
