You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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