Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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