thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day