we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
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Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.