a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
