Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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