Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
