You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think your dad took our porno
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
