I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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