who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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