eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
