I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just gift wrapped bread.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
