You just made me feel so damn special
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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