Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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