Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
