What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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