hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Two words: blizzard sex
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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