about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
