I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
