Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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