Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
