Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
