..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
