So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
