We won't sleep together?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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