Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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